every truth is always personal

theoretically I am already twenty years ahead

I am already where I want to be

seriously

there is so much stillness in my future

I don’t even notice the blabbering in my brain

anymore and I could swear it is gone

and everything difficult has been unknotted

if I can keep breathing – in, out, in, out,

I might actually get there

and not just in my head

my body could follow, easily

there might be a miracle waiting for me

how I entangle myself in the endless

layers of hope, though, over and over,

in selfishness -

hope is always selfishness too,

though I know better,

at least most of the time,

in my head I basically know everything,

I am not exaggerating!

well anyway:

it remains an amazing miracle,

why somebody knowing basically everything,

behaves like somebody who knows nothing

up and down I jump the always same stairs

in between knowing,

that nothing really is about me,

or ever was about me -

glimpses of truth

                        the truth is not personal

jump at my throat,

make me dizzy

make me cry - so much relief,

I can hardly bear it -

up and down I jump

there might be peace

there might be grace

a hand touching my forehead

and whispering softly: 

every truth is always personal

© Susanne Becker