Lobe den Tag

I dont recall ever owning any faith. So, how could I loose it in the first place? I wasn't a believer, when I was a child. I went to church, because I had to. I grew up in a catholic household, so god was male for me and old. He had a white beard. I prayed to him like this: „Please make my parents happy.“ „Please let my father stop drinking.“ But also: „Please let me have that doll for christmas, you know, the one, that can walk, with batteries.“ He was somebody, I talked to, but he still was hollow. I would also talk to trees or to myself. I would talk to my dolls or the walls. So god was a normal part of my childhood, without me ever exploring any meaning. He belonged, like the curtains belonged. You did not have to believe in him. There was also fear. There were his anger and his rage, my sinfulness. There was no trust, no joy. You could not be yourself around god, unless you really wanted to get into trouble. Deutschkreutz, Burgenland I was not a believer ...