Berlin

Berlin

Donnerstag, 24. Januar 2013

Retracing Happiness


I try to retrace happiness -
the smell in my aunts stable
the smell of the cows
my favourite was red and named Mia
I used to spend the summers there
as a girl
driving the tractor over the fields
running across the meadows
free and wild
feeding the little pigs
the calves rubbing their noses against me
I don’t remember much happiness
but never thought I was not happy
I just didn’t know how happiness felt
and took what I had for it.

I try to retrace happiness -
the cool water and the hot sun
on my skin when I went swimming
with another aunt
she threw me into the water
we sun bathed side by side on a blanket
I told her stories and looked at her painted toenails
she taught me how to swim
I ate French fries at the pool with her
before she had children of her own
she took me and I wanted her to be my mom
I don’t remember much happiness
but never thought I was not happy
I just didn’t know how happiness felt
and took what I had for it

I don’t remember that I missed feeling happy
I wasn’t aware of the fact that people
could be happy  all the time
the option to choose happiness
for me it was a gift,
totally at random
given to you from the universe
or god or destiny
some had it, some didn’t
it was delivered to you out of the blue
I don’t remember anybody in my family
ever saying: let’s be happy!

What is happiness anyway?

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