Retracing Happiness - rewritten

I try to retrace happiness -

the smell in my aunts stable

the smell of the cows

my favourite was red and named Mia

I used to spend the summers there

as a girl, driving the tractor over the fields

running across the meadows

free and wild

feeding the little pigs

the calves rubbing their noses against me

I don’t remember much happiness

but never thought I was not happy

I just didn’t know how happiness felt

and took what I had for it

I try to retrace happiness -

the cool water and the hot sun

on my skin

when I went swimming

with another aunt she threw

me into the water so much fun

we sun bathed side by side on a blanket

I told her stories and looked at her painted toenails

she taught me how to swim

I ate french fries at the pool with her

before she had children of her own

she took me and I wanted her to be my mom

I don’t remember much happiness

but never thought I was not happy

I just didn’t know how happiness felt

and took what I had for it

the option to choose happiness

as a life governing attitude

for me it was a gift random

some had it some didn’t.

© Susanne Becker